Remembering

This post will be brief. I’m writing from my iPad before going out for my long slow Sunday run.

Yesterday, June 9, was a year since Kurt died. Beginning several days ago, I would find myself suddenly in tears for no conscious reason. The tears would simply come. I would sit with them until they passed and then I could go on with whatever I was doing.

It was a very strange emotional roller coaster of a week. I was riding the high of my half marathon accomplishment while being swept away by the memories of last year at this time.

This weekend brought the “second Friday” and “second Saturday” art events to town, so I’ve spent some time in the company of a large circle of  artistic, eccentric friends and acquaintances. I haven’t felt alone, and that’s good.

Yesterday I hiked up to Sol Duc Falls, which is one of my favorite places for healing and centering. It worked its magic as it always does. I thought of how I’d gone up there with my daughter and step-daughter the weekend after Kurt died. We were all hurting so badly but even then, I took strength from that place and I hope they did too. I hope they can remember that place now and feel healing and peace as I did yesterday, and do now.

As I remember, I also look forward. Life is so beautiful, precious, and short. We must learn that life goes on, and we must seek to enjoy every moment.  This moment is all we have — and this moment is everything.

I’m going for a run now. I shall be slow, and I shall be happy.

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Posted on June 10, 2012, in grief, LIfe_goes_on and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. Thinking of you. My sister lost her husband a year ago on May 29th. She went through the same renewal of grief and the same renewal of hope. Blessings on you.

  2. Kurt would be so happy for and proud of you!

  3. Colleen,

    Yes, I think he would be… thanks.

  4. Thinking of you and amazed at how you have not just ‘survived’ this year, but have been able to take positive steps for yourself. I agree with Colleen. Sending big hugs…..

  5. You’re doing great. *hugs*

  6. I send a big hug, Lori. So many emotions all in competition and yet you sort them so beautifully. I don’t wonder at all at the unbidden tears. Isn’t grief a mysterious thing that way…when you think you SHOULD cry, you might not, and then later, wow! I was at a family wedding yesterday and out came the projector for the obligatory photo montage…I looked at my mom and said, “get ready.” We both brushed tears away at every photo of grandmothers, sisters, uncles, aunts…gone and missed terribly, and at the same time here we were celebrating as two young people just get started! You have a really strong spirit and it sure does come through! First anniversary has got to be tough! oxo Debra

    • Debra, thanks. It is actually a big relief to have this first anniversary behind me. I know that grief will continue to strike at unexpected moments (and any occasion that involves looking at old photos will certainly be one of those moments). But I also think that from here forward, it will become easier to look back.

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