Meanwhile…

There were no Modernism Week tours for me today, which gives me a chance to revert to the usual topics: grieving, running, and moving on with my life.

I’ll start with running first, because right now I’m feeling sad and I need to think about something that gives me simple joy. I went out this morning and ran a fast (for me) 5k. Spring is clearly just around the corner now; I no longer need to put on my reflective vest and go out before sunrise. The usual dog-walkers were out. I was running laps around some of the blocks so I saw some people multiple times, which is always fun. Yet another home in my neighborhood is in the process of being gutted and renovated. It’s been very gratifying to see residents in this neighborhood continue to recognize the historical/architectural significance of their homes and put the time and money into restoring them.

Next up: grieving. I had to get my tax paperwork organized so I can send it all up to my tax guy in Washington. This meant filling in pages upon pages of forms, on which information and numbers from 2010 were printed. My job was to figure out and then fill in the information and numbers for 2011. This included answering questions like: “Did your marital status change during the year?” YES. And it included zeroing out entire pages that had contained income and expense information for Kurt. This task reduced me, at one point, to crying, shouting, and banging (softly… I’m a pacifist) on the refrigerator door. Let me tell you, ZERO due to death of taxpayer SUCKS.

So what about moving on with my life? Well, I have two more days to work at my corporate job. I have canceled my corporate credit card. I have put in the cancellation request for my corporate cell phone. I have one more project meeting to attend tomorrow morning, and one thing left on my project task list. Then I’ll send an email to selected individuals to provide personal contact information. After that, the only thing left to do is to ship my corporate PC and my corporate cell phone back to corporate headquarters, where I expect they will be promptly recycled.

Today I attended a team staff meeting, during which formal goodbyes were said to me and to a teammate who is moving to another position within my company. It was bittersweet. It seems odd to be wished a happy “retirement,” when what I am doing is not about retirement at all. I expect to be very busy doing everything in my power to make the world a better place, living and promoting my core values of learning, harmony, and wholeness. That’s who I am and what I do. I do not intend to let my talents be wasted any longer.

Today I also sat through a realtor caravan (dozens of local realtors coming through during a two-hour period, doing the 30-second preview tour). My agent was impressed at the turnout and the positive comments on my decidedly mid-century modern condo. Two agents followed up today with client showings, and two more have scheduled showings for tomorrow. This was the first real action since I listed the condo two weeks ago, so it came as a great relief.

I have two more Modernism Week tours to do, tomorrow and Friday. I shall take lots of photos. Then after Friday, with my job behind me, I’ll be totally focused on doing the things I need to do to leave this place behind me and go home. That, and a few self-guided drive-by architectural tours all over southern California. And going out and running every other day or so, because it just feels so danged good.

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Posted on February 22, 2012, in Architecture, grief, LIfe_goes_on, Running and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. New starts always give me little fluttery, happy feelings inside. I’m excited for you. 🙂

  2. Good for you, Lori, and your progress with running, grieving, and touring.

    I’ve really enjoyed the photos and your comprehensive word pictures of the places you’ve visited. On my visits to that area, I’ve often wondered what design secrets these places held — now I’ve been edified, thanks to you.

    I emphathize with you over the “zero” notations on tax return issues and related documents. I’m doing this with my dad’s stuff this week. I realize the similarity ends there (spouse vs parent) but the lingering of loss remains.

    I’m excited for you and the obvious condo interest for selling. I am addressing my parents’ condo sale soon enough–wish I could fast forward to where you are in the process. Good luck!

    Be well and keep running! ~ Ellen

  3. I’m going to be so interested to see how you move forward in this season to express your core beliefs and and where your focus will go in making the world a better place! I just love that you express this sentiment as more than words, but another kind of goal. I don’t hear that very often!

    As for the paperwork, and tax time! Wow! Another “suck air” moment!

    My husband’s sister met and married a man from the UK (they were both in their late 60s). While waiting for his citizenship she very suddenly died from Cancer. The final paperwork for his citizenship came in two days later! We went with him to witness the citizenship ceremony and he had to change his marital status report on the spot! I witnessed firsthand the pain of someone changing from “married” to “single” and how that death robs someone of that choice! Thanks for indulging my story, but maybe having him in my mind today also gives me a little added empathy for you, and I think you’re pretty remarkable to be getting through so much all at once. Journey onward, Lori! 🙂 Debra

  4. Debra,

    Yes, it’s those moments when you suddenly get hit in the face with the realization that nothing — NOTHING — will be the same ever again.

    I have wondered more than once if I’m intentionally making all these big decisions and changes at the same time just to get them out of the way and free myself to move on, as dis-encumbered as possible. Yet they do fit together and support one another. I’m not happy being bi-platial — so sell the condo! If I sell the condo, I may not need to keep working — so sell the condo and quit my job! I’m not happy in my job — so quit my job and go do things that I think will support my happiness and some of my larger life goals.

    We’ll see how it all plays out. I’m as interested as you are to find out what will happen next!

    Lori

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