Tomorrow is another day (or so they say)

I’ve really been struggling the past couple of days, feeling very blue and paralyzed, as I’d attempted to describe the other day. I basically squandered today — a Saturday! — I woke up with a list of things to do and did only one of them, and then only late this evening. I didn’t get out of the house at all, although it was reasonably nice for mid-October. I felt dizzy, anxious, and weak. I’m getting used to the feel of anxiety attacks, but they normally subside over the weekend. This week, not yet.

Some of this, I’m sure, is the post-run endorphin crash. My sore muscles subsided days ago, but my brain has not been willing to go out and run after work on a decidedly crisp autumn afternoon. But tomorrow morning our tiny local running club is meeting at my favorite place to run — where the Olympic Discovery Trail crosses Morse Creek — so I’ll try to find the energy to get up early enough to eat, drink, break out the cold-weather running gear, and go for a run.

Four to six miles at a SLOW and STEADY pace sounds about right, but as usual I’ll play it by ear. My next half marathon isn’t until February, down in Palm Springs under warmer and drier conditions. I probably won’t get serious about ramping up the training for that race for another month or so.

Right now I seem to need down time, think time, do-nothing time. But I also desperately need to force myself to spend time with other people, and that’s a real challenge for me. When you spend as much time alone as I have this week, you start to think that going outside your door is like visiting another planet. I don’t want to become a hermit. I’m really trying to fight this urge to stay in, but I STILL haven’t gone grocery shopping. Fortunately I had a well-stocked pantry, but some fresh vegetables would taste really good about now.

So I’m going to try to get some sleep (how did it get so late already?), and I will drag myself out of bed and put on my running shoes in the morning. I’ll try to make tomorrow a brighter, more fluid, more hopeful day than today. At the very least, tomorrow (they say) will be another day.

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Posted on October 15, 2011, in grief, Running and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. The running group is a reason to get out of the house, but I’m guessing that you don’t get to spend a lot of time talking while you’re running with them. Is there a group you’d enjoy that would force you out of the house once a week, some meeting, class, karaoke night (yeah I know, I’m stretching it here)? I remember how lonely it could be just to sit in my cubicle and program all day, just me and the computer with rare short conversations with people. But at that point my house was often TOO busy, the all or nothing sort of thing. I guess I’m wondering if structuring ‘away from the house’ time with folk would help.

    • I hear you, and I do have some things planned during the next week that will get me out of the house. I don’t see any karaoke in my near future, however! Somehow I don’t think I’d find that therapeutic… Certainly not anxiety-reducing.

  2. Get out, get out, get out! Do something FUN. Whatever that means for you. Walk in the park, coffee with a friend, ride on the bus, shopping for new nail polish… Do something to change it up a little. Something to look forward to. Or even a trip to the grocery store in the nicest outfit you can put together without looking like a crazy person in an evening gown. I firmly believe in switching it up. Doing new things.

  3. Ugh- I totally took Sunday off. I had planned on going out, but after 7 on Saturday, my hip was bugging me again, so I thought I should err on the side of caution and stay put. I need to get stretching and get to it this morning….. Rest days are important, particularly if you are hurting.

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